chains of chemistry

2011-03-13T01:00:00.003+08:00

This sem has been a lot of ups and downs, not only in my work or school but also hall issues. i am losing all my perseverance and have been really lazy. Can kinda tell from my room, work attitude(though this sem i am really a lot more hardworking), my body shape which is really bothering me. i needa stop my binge eating like now, kinda got out of control again. and i also i am still considering about joining this year newpaper new face again, yes i know, but it doesnt hurt to try, again? anyway looking at my body shape and determination and yes WORKLOAD, i doubt i can cope with them. oh man, honestly, i just hope today will be a refresh to my laziness, and a welcome to my new perseverance. needa look at christie more often to keep me reminded of my fatty body.

2011-02-23T15:54:00.002+08:00

i am feeling so sulky today. i am not sure if not getting enough sleep really kept me at even an even keel but it makes me feel unsatisfied with myself. Also making decision and conducting my behavior seem really difficult for me. it feels as if i can access situations well and pick up the right behavior. this is not too good as it is making me irritable. very often i question myself if am i stepping over the line, i do not wish to replace/overtake anyone, take away any of your belongings. i just wanna be well acknowledge and loved by my friends and thats all. am i asking too much?

motivation

2011-01-13T14:19:00.003+08:00

had my NY chronicles shot yesterday. i didnt realise how tiring it was only when i reached back to hall and had my dinner, and without any delay, i started my 12 hrs sleep till this morning.

The photo shoot was awesomely fun! anais ( if i didnt get her name wrongly ), the girl that i saw during new paper new face, one of the finalists too, was one of the model for the NY chron shot as well. in case you guys have no idea who she is, she is the 181cm tall girl, as always seen in adm. the issue here isnt just she being tall but she was wearing this 6 inch high heels for the last shot. though i was wearing the six inch heels too, i was still like a minion next to her? and you guys should see how anais's hips are like at yuran's chest! total hilarious.

the other model is a year 4 student from cs. i dont think she has the pretty face but she does have the unique face (something like the ugly pretty face as always mention on antm) that camera loves her face. it is just the kind of look that you will just wanna take a closer look at her photo.

this is like my first official, real photo shoot, not counting in the vaunt, projects, and pageant shoots. i am like totally fresh. every time when i watch antm, i will be like going, hmmm no her body movement is not there, she is not controlling her face well enough, her body is not contour enough, there is no energy in her poses, and blah blah blah. it always so easy to comment when you are outside the shot, but it not that easy when you are the model, when you cant see how your body is moving. that is why communication is very important between the choreographer, the photographer, and the model. you always have to listen and make some movements, adjustments, and mostly importantly, you have to let loose, try not to be too self conscious, believe in photographer and listen to them for instruction or else you will be all over the place (which was quite like me?)

anyway clarence was the photographer for yesterday's shoot and i never doubt his abilities given his high expectations that he had set for himself. i really marvel his determination and respect his attitude though he seems a bit stubborn. perhaps it just like what coach says, all artists are perfectionist and therefore making them fall into the state of being precise or even stubborn. looking at clarence make me question my decision in wanting to be a fashion photographer as well. everything does not look as simple as it is. for instance, lightings, i really no idea how to angle the lights so that it will hit correctly. secondly, i am very kind to myself. there is always this tendency for me to forgive or let go if there are limited sources for me to achieve the best result. maybe it time to be strict on myself before i consider to be a photographer.

lastly, maybe i used to have some prejudices against yuran but looking at his attitude at work ytd, maybe its time for me to not to judge him. you guys should really go take a look at his fb photos, those photos where he work with all the big models during fashion shows. you will be amazed

and please let me find some motivation to start drawing again! i need practice!

unconditional love

2011-01-10T23:21:00.002+08:00

i just met up with coach over a dinner earlier on, and as usual, he always make me felt being loved. he is not any other basketball coaches that only teach basketball techniques, but he teaches me how to love someone, not directly but by his actions towards every single players of his.

it is amazing to see how much time and effort he is willing to spend on players that need his help even if it is out of his abilities. he has his own family to handle and yet he never find that a hurdle to not to help others. he wishes the best for his players more than any outsider and also never ask for a repay. all he wishes in return is to see his player grow up to be a better person or more successful.

i remember telling priscilla that coach is like my another daddy, maybe due to the disappearance role of a daddy during my teenage life.

I wish i can give coach the best present and make him feel proud

friends come and go

2010-12-28T14:56:00.002+08:00

Attending anabel's birthday made me realised about a lot of things, and of all the things, it was that deceiving cover of most human that turns on the agony. As much as how much it affects me, i still cant resolve it and to be truthful i have been enduring it for quite some time, ever since young. It is inevitable for one to carry motives, have his or her deepest thoughts, but i think i just learnt that what you have in your heart, soul, mind shape who you are. there is a saying " you are what you eat", and we all may have to agree "you act, what you think".

i should not point my finger at others cause neither am i perfect.

Honestly, i dont think i have been very appreciative as a friend, in fact, things had gotten worse during my jc times. i am grateful for those who are still willing to stand by me despite my awful, selfish behaviour. and i think i hurt priscilla the most during that period of time. hopefully, it would not be too late for my apologies and too late for her forgiveness. i am quite ashamed for what i had done and still not very comfortable to go into details.
recalling those days with blackie, and the basketball team was absolutely fun, but we all went separate ways. we have friends of our own, there are friends that you prefer to spend more time with, we need friends for our needs, hence, i may not be a friend that do not satisfy your needs.
Sophina plays a part in my teenage years, she was my role model, and i aimed to be like her cause i can never find anyone as unique as her. she is sociable, she is caring, she is serious, she is all that guys will want to date, girls will want to pitch into.
Friends surround her, and even though she is never seen alone, i would still like to be the friend that she would call upon when she needs entertainment. she is strong and has friend to lean on, and it will be fortunate that she will not belittle me as excessive.
it may be seem to her that i have moved with my other friends, i rejected her dates, she is still as important to me and will be one of the few that i will want to cry my heart out when troubles fall on me because not much people can be as understanding and sweet as her. our distant is not a reason that i should continue to neglect her, and so, i wish i can give her more love from now onwards. sorry if i do not know what are the reasons that cause the distant.
i have nothing to say about lum, we still spend time together. i really want to say that she has been stolen away, but i realised she is not my possession, and so, i cannot keep her with me. this is where faith will hold us together. *remember, i am still willing to walk the miles with you, only if you are willing to.
at this stage of my life, new friends emerge, but at the same time, these friends have other commitments. some celebrate with their old cliques during festive. after all, the long built friendship beats all. the other group celebrate with their new found love as it is about time for them to find the partner to spend their next half of their lives.
I used to make friends for the wrong reason. i wanted crazy, cool friends and knew people who were popular, but they are not those that will go through thick and thin with me. then i realised i did not belong to them, it would tiring for me to keep up with their lifestyles. i still feel most comfortable with friends who are sincerely nice, and lovable. apart from people who had walked out of my lives, qi xuan, vivienne, isabella, ... are people who i do not want to miss now, anymore.
from now onwards, i want to appreciate my friends and my family better, i need to spend more time and effort being with them, i will not want to judge anyone. this is my 2011's goal.

*this is dedicated to all my friends especially sherlin, lum, sophina, anabel, darren, brandon, jessie, priscilla, pinky, bel, vivienne, qistrange.

forgive me for things that i have done and said that irritate you. i am awkward, and feel weird in front of some people. i am not the wild, untamed person as much as how i look like, i want to be down-to-earth, and secretly am very introvert. i shall not act adversely anymore, i want to be myself. i will watch what i speak or even not speak when i feel uncomfortable cause i tend to say more irritable things.

VVIP SEATS to get closer to CUTIE HANGUK BOYSSS

2010-08-14T11:26:00.003+08:00

till now i still cant relieve my excitment from yesterday night's concert. i remembered the last time when i came back from korea, i took quite a period of time before i can totally get over korean guys.

BTW, my bro gave me VVIP seats to the Celebration@ Marina Bay. really nice of him though and i wouldnt have gotten these tickets if not for his gf. ever since his girlfriend has stepped in the picture of our small family, my bro has relatively lesser time to poke his nose into my issues, thanks goodness. THANKS CHENGLING, <3 her man like seriously? the best catch that my bro would ever have gotten, honestly? ANYWAY, i am never into 'idolisation', other than previously justin bieber who pull me through my As? call me bimbo, label me sucker, cause i went for the concert with the mindset of meeting cute korean guys, and who the hell were B2ST? i did do some homework before attending that concert, at least i went to youtube them and downloaded their songs and so at least i wouldnt be out of place in the super high atmosphere?

But honestly, they are cute ttm! i totally melt when they strike a move, my heart throb when they move closer to me? if they plant a kiss on me, i will fly back to korea with them *biggest smile* and before flying back, i will faint in their huge, muscular arms.

not related job scope

2010-06-29T15:19:00.002+08:00

i am actually doing bookie and adv designing in an engineering company.

DEATH DUE BORE

2010-06-28T17:02:00.002+08:00

i havent been blogging since forever, and partly due to the mundane life that i am leading. If not for vivienne, i will not be blogging right now, and hoping that the typing of the key board will make me sound like an efficient employee.
there are plenty of uncompleted missions awaiting, and yet my butt is stuck to my office chair. Supposing, i have to tender my resignation today, but my guts are retreating as the clock ticks to six. I am such a slacker in my office. all i do is to make my com run days of movie marathon, arrange the gems in bejeweled and attempt to hit the top scorer list, and secretly smuggle biscuits for my tutee. i have contributed NOTHING and yet i am leaving sooooon. honestly, andre just need some deco (vase) to his dept huh?

things that i wanna complain about my life:

1. Not getting enough sleeps, and exercise (accumulating fats)
2. Eating Super Big Servings like American (once again, accumulating fats)
3. Eating unhealthy food non stop (replacing sito and making the next makan sultra)
4. Reaching home late, refuse to remove make up, and end up eating supper in front of the TV
5. Drinking too much and pumping a tyre around my tummy
6. Spending money on food and drinks which make my current acc deficit
7. Not signing up for BTT though i have been talking about it since forever
8. Being casted a spell which curse a never ending outbreak (partly due to too much make up, i know i cant survive without it)
9. Unable to overcome dyslexia, thus being labelled as bimbo
10. Low EQ

In Conclusion, financial management fail, diet management fail, social management fail, everything fail, except for looking slutty. Can i not graduate from the school of bimbo?
Give me time and i will change

I M B-A-C-K

2009-12-20T11:57:00.003+08:00

i am so proud of my girls! this year is the first bbgt batch that renders a Miss Nanyang and another Prom queen! we just cant help it but there are just too many pretty girls in ny bbgt, awwwww. even my shen had transform into a goddess(:

honestly, i didnt spend much on this prom. the only i bought was my gloves? which cost less than 10 bucks? and the dress that i wore was my secondary prom dress which until now i still love it to the max? seriously, i didnt carry it well when i was 16, and this is a good chance to demostrate the glamour it had hidden. not forgetting about my heels, i D.I.Y it. how cool hur? unfortunately it is such a pair of lousy heels that i can hardly walk in it for more than 2 hrs. this will be the first and last time i will buy a pair of cheap heels.

this is my favourite GP teacher. perhaps she secretly finds me irritating cause i used to bug her really a lot. she's really cute esp when it comes to talking about GG.ahhh i find him the few not so bad ones in sch, decent, tall, gentleman unlike Junyan. bleah!! hahaha ok he is slightly better but still..

wo the SHEN!
girls in my class, not bad huh? (: and the bel that everyone loves
my potential pure les partner, like seriously!!! dont mind making out with her

irritating blackieif you guys can recognise her from those chinese drama series and she thats her. she quite hot that night and her butt is damn nice

this weekend, more entries, about my korea trip and blah blah blah.

2009-10-27T03:11:00.001+08:00

fuck you 27 oct 2009
not like because i am growing old
but seriously just fuck ok

2009-09-27T22:11:00.003+08:00

finally, i had scripted through prelim and crank aint dead. surprising eh? not. anyway after scripting through prelim, i kinda feel that A level is not that hard after all. its not as if i am going to pass with flying colours, and neither will i do extremely well for prelim, but i just feel that if you have spent enough hours and effort studying, and just study, at the end of the day even if you didnt do as well as expected, there is some sense of achievements in the way that you learned more, and of course, you survived through. books didnt pile and pin me down you see.

but anyway i had a great rest for the pass few days, and had took some fresh air. honestly, i was quite tempted to touch those books again, but but but i didnt. i did my hardcore excise with jessie the blackie. for an old lady like me, its seriously hardcore. perhaps you just cant believe it but i was totally breathless. and i had my best ever dinner on friday night as well. i am seriously so sick of all the chicken rice and noodles. i want pizzas, baked rice, spaghetti, cheeessszzzze. great meal! also, obviously now is not a good time to shop and buy clothes which are going to go out of fashion when my pen dies off. so jessie and i went to T3 on sat and if you guys happen to watch the news or what so ever, there is this F1 event over there. free games (not sure what its called, something like daytona, whatever its called, i am just good in anything like that), free photo taking, free cardboard car. was pretty cool other than the fact that the photo is effingly ugly. as usual we hanged out at starbucks to watch gossip girl together! seriously, serena is getting so boring and its good to see Georgina again!! love her! and yea love seeing Blair being trampled by others, no longer the queen but the queen of the losers.

american next top model cycle 13 is the ace! the petite season, so suitable for me. and yea constance is the first runner up for singtel grid girls, liyanna got into new paper new face, so proud of them. i look at them with my glimmery eyes, my heart is burning like a fire. if i am able or i can afford to put everything down, i will not be at the state right now. ah my blogging mood is off, more interested to find out about jb's ex's boat incident.

stupid day

2009-09-08T21:30:00.004+08:00

i am supposing to be studying at this time but i will definitely shut my lappy after i finish talking about what i have been holding inside my heart for the entire day. all along, i always find people who blindly chase after those unrealistic idols STUPID and totally got nothing better to do. alright, i am indirectly scolding myself as well right now. but seriously, what's the point of imagining the scene when one day you will meet your idol and how you are going to react and scream your lungs out just to get his/her attention when maybe he will just see you as a joke? nonetheless, its totally impractical to have him being part of you life other than silently being his faithful number one fan. also, there are soo many number one fan in this world.

anyway, i just mavel how successful he can be at his age, and maybe just how cute he look? no its not a maybe, he is seriously super cute. and he is none other than justin bieber. i have to make it clear as well, its not like but his look just caught my eyes on him. a day of crazyness over him is enough, i am getting back to my books.
just in case you happen to get into my room, you might see his name all around. you will not know the reason for sticking his name all around.
i feel that jb looks like somebody but i just couldnt think who that person is and now, i remember! its bird! they have the same mouth shape and hair style. just that jb is much cuter and skinner. opps
and i have to mention about jessie just before i go. she has indirectly requested for an entry about how i walked 3 bus stops in plain darkness just to pass her the awesome present in the middle of the night. ok jessie, i am done, i have mentioned it(:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKonFkGKD0A

no no NO wait!!! jb looks like vanessa!! ya vanessa!!! totally alike, equally cute and skinner. and the way they behave, totally alike!

update and my horrible week

2009-07-18T15:26:00.005+08:00

this week has been horrible, i have received back my results, so dead. thats it. i am so reluctant to go to school every morning.
i want to thanks coach for always believing in me, and at least, i am not as pessimistic for now.

last saturday when i went out with jessie, my sandals broke again. this is number #@$%?& times it had broken, but i still refuse to change it. once i am stuck to an item, i will refuse to let it go, just like my pencil case. i hope this is the determination i am getting and i will be able to put on my studies and ambitions and maybe love?

ahhh i saw mr kwek with his wife. i am always seeing him around, when i go hiking, outing or whatever shit. i told pris and bel that i saw mr kwek at paragon's soup place in the midst of a lecture. it just popped into my head so sudden that i kinda shouted it out and i think everyone heard it, cause everyone simply turned at looked at me? like even the second row?

the day before, the news had reported that smrt officers were no longer going to give commuters who were caught eating on train a second chance. i caught this mummy feeding her child on the train, not just one feed but continuous feeds. wow this mummy is really daring, wait till she received a $5oo fine and we will see if that small girl will still be able to sit in comfort and enjoy her afternoon snacks.

2009-07-11T23:59:00.006+08:00

Thursday
Went to town alone to look for bella's present. Lately I would either choose to go out alone or stay at home or do nothing. Sounds rather loner huh? It really bothers me that I am behaving like some frivolous person. Perhaps I am just too sick and tired of jc. Or maybe I am suffering from some terminating illness, which somehow changes my hormones and mood. If its so, I would be quite willing to let it that away my life. Not that I really desire to die, but just a bit tired of studying. This does sounds stupid.
Alright, back to my Thursday trip, I actually wanted to hang around in town till six so it would be just nice for dinner with mum. But I was already at home before the sun had set. I felt nausea, uneasy (ohh uneasy because my stupid phone is spoiled!) and weak. Feel as if I will be pinned on the ground anytime soon. I've never felt so terrible before. Until now I still feel very unwell and weak at all times.
Alright yesterday, pris and I celebrated bel's birthday! She was super elated after receiving her gift, cause it was specially made by me! And I was lousy at hiding the present from her which I think she actually knew what's going. But anyway I accompanied them to watch ice age 3, not very interested though. Eventually throughout the whole show I was trying to make myself entertained, not too bad after all. The worst part of the whole outing was when we spent an hour and forty-five mins queuing for a seat in aston and spent half an hour waiting for the dishes to be served. How great was the waiting! We were all starved to the extent that we don't really feel hungry anymore. Honestly the food was good but it was the waiting that kills my appetite. But anyway I enjoyed my virgin trip with bel haha
Today is a day with jessie. I was very reluctant to step out, cause I have the urge to study and just don't feel like going out to town. Fortunately, I made the right choice because jessie never fails to loosen my shoulders! Like always, we did all the camwhoring, stupid faces, shooting irritating comments on each other, sharing our thought, and laughing at people. (almost wanted to take a photo of this girl who fall right in front of us, super hilarious)
I can't wait for A to finish, have to set down again and put on my guard and give a good fight:)

FUCK

2009-07-06T16:49:00.005+08:00

MY MOOD HAS BEEN FUCKING BAD SINCE THIS MORNING! i didnt really realise that i have gained soooo much weight ever since that farewell party. i still could remember how i could easily slip my whole hand into my high waisted shorts back when i was 49 kg! and now? i could hardly even put two fingers in! WTF! i shouldnt have listen to people who have been encouraging me to eat more and complaining about how skinny i was when i was FUCKING FORTY-NINE! during that period, my appetite was so small to the extent that maybe 5 spoons of rice and 2 spoons of vegetable can make me feel full. and during that time, i did try to eat more but my weight cant help but still remain at 49! it was until when the new coach took over our team, and i started to gain again! his training was to the verge of pinning me on the ground any second, and there is no way a 5 spoons rice can last me throughout the training.

ok not to talk about the past cause there is no point and the fact that it is already HISTORY.
this morning i looked into the mirror and realised that my face was never this fat and round. i admit that i didnt watch my diet recently, especially after the farewell night which i have no idea why is it so. and those late night and insufficient hours of sleep have definitely cause certain level of water retention. i am super vulnerable to water retention, i always get them when i sleep very late at night despite the fact that i drank very little water the night before.
the reason i am here blogging when i am supposedly to be studying for those stupid, non-logical statistics is because i am super frustrated with my fat face. you may not know how i feel right now and you might think that i have been ridiculous for kicking a fuss over such a small issue. hey you! you will never understand what i am going through now when you do no have a fat face and a skinny body which is totally not proportionate. my face is forever gaining fats more rapidly than any other place.
right now i just dont feel like stepping out of my house because of this fucking fat face. i do not want to face anyone and receive comments like ehhh your face has become rounder. if i am going to receive any thing like this, i will simply say a thanks and point my middle finger behind your back, this is how serious it is!! and please do not be a hypocrite and say things like ohh you still look as skinny.
feel damn bad after being so rude to my mum, and even those things that i attempted to spoil them
ohh i forgot to mention this, this friday is my class photo taking. i totally dont feel like going and take photos of my pig face. i doubt i can remove those water in under my skin in time?

FAREWELL

2009-06-17T22:24:00.008+08:00

i hate it the most whenever my mood is totally being spoiled by moments when i always forget about certain things and left my place in a rush. things never get better cause i actually locked my mum at home by carrying both our keys
Farewell party was at a chalet held at ECP. and before that we caught drag me to hell at the cathay, my goodnesss, you have gotta catch that movie! it was the scariest movie that i had ever caught, 4 popcorns!! and it would be better if you are not seated near to somebody like jac who was effing noisy and irritating throughout the whole movie. she just cant seems to stop making redundant noise even when the demon is not going to appear hahaha
anyway the chalet was really great, and i think they spent quite a sum on it, good job juniors and THANK YOU. there is nothing that i can express better than fantastic! from the food, to the performance, and to night cycling and even the complementary buffet.
the chalet comes with complementary buffets for two, so pris and i went for it. you may think that its such a waste to send me there since i am soo conscious of my weight. i was actually there to smuggling food back to the chalet like what jessie and i did at sakae sushi! anyway i ate more that pui-si-le.
my buddy(kx) is to cute, we think alike, do alike, think alike. nobody can be a better buddy than her man!

oh my

2009-06-05T00:02:00.009+08:00

lots of photos are coming up.....

we had a class outing today, a trip to asean museum for national education. what caught me surprise was that jessie was part of the history. cooool so proud of her.

we caught night at the museum 2 as well. so apparently today is a day about visiting and touring museum. to say the truth, night at the museum 2 is pretty bad compared to 1. but what matter most is that i get to enjoy precious moments with keqin and pris (pui-si-le) and as well as our vrigin exprience at the hotel room that we booked at carlton (secret- thanks to pris)? hopefully, A level will be over soon and i can party again! can i visit zouk on next wed?img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 266px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5343508463435213666" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_fv2EthQXV1E/Sif0oulZa2I/AAAAAAAABJ0/NRtjyU3G42A/s400/IMG_3648.JPG" alt="" border="0" />

its flooded with photos, i will remove some once the rest have grabbed them

2009-04-19T01:04:00.007+08:00

Ever since that outburst I have been leading a better life, and also knowing that nothing can be worst than not appreciating love, whether its from my friends or is it from my mum. Though I didn't show my gratitude, It doesn't mean that I don't acknowledge her tolerance.
I am out with J, the white, today. It was great. Its has been since forever when we last order food like we deserve it or even laughed out loud in the public as if nobody is watching! Bird was along with us as well! Btw, I kinda pity the girl or even any girl that was once out with bird. they never know when they will accidentally turn off the switch so do not mess around with bird if you aren't that great(:

and i have to mention this, stupid J is a bloody goddamn good liar and actor! she asked me to try out the so called chewing gum which actually pass electric current to you once you touch the gum strip. i rejected the offer initially. after that i was even looking at the packaging which says "get shock". i artlessly asked J if it is true, and she told me it was fake, and so she asked me to give it a try. to actually believe, i did as what she said and i Fking get a shock. i literally fly off from the ground and shake my hand like some spastic! bird and J ran out of the shop laughing super loud, even the sale assistant was smuggling giggles at me. and i stood alone in the centre of the shop not knowing how to save my embarrassment. well done JESSSSSSITA!

i caught 17 again today, it was such a good movie since i last caught one. goodness gracious zac look totally cool and hot in the super skinny jeans, white tee, leather jacket and glasses when he was "reborn" in the movie! it could be better if the glasses are always on his face, i just dont like his eyes, so dont match his face. ohh anyway georgina from gossipgirl acted in it as well, she is soooo bloodly hot and pretty. i like the matching of her skin fairness together with her dark brown hair and not forgetting her smoky makeup as seen on gossipgirl. she is way better looking and hotter in 17 again. everytime i watch shows like gossipgirl, 17 again, step up, those so high sch movie, i am always soo inspired to be like them but apparently singapore can never be like this. i dont mind watching it again(:

i am going to catch the episode where georgina came back to look for serena again and now, cant get her image off my mind.

this is how she look like in case you do not know- michelle trachtenberg

pinky if you happen to read this, can we have more starbucks outing?

2009-04-04T00:35:00.000+08:00

Sorry.
Things haven't improved from the last few weeks. Like what pl had said I have been dwelling into my problems and mistakes, I just don't get out from any of them. I have countless excuses and blames to count on which set me not moving towards for the betters. I am sooo disguised by myself to the extent that I can't recognise myself. I questioned myself; why do I have to resort to such degree of vicious motive? How can I permit the access of these ugly thoughts. Its chronically dubious. Apart from that I hate myself not only because I destroyed my soul, but indirectly I also hurt others. This hurt doesn't sound as light and easy as how we spelled it but it hurts deeply like how write it. The pencil mark on the second page do not erase off by simply rubbing it using a eraser. Results are not reflected by grades but by percentile. Its how high you are ranked above others. I personally think its competition that drives me to the corner and exposes 'self-centredness'. And perhaps it has always been within me, just that is hasn't been revealed as there weren't expectations and competitions. Here it comes again why do I always push the blame to others and why is it possible for me to have that think optimistically in the past and not for now. So it all comes to a conclusion, I should not continue to dig into my grave and its time to change my thinking. Best of all, keep my brain dead. A slap for myself, I deserve it. Alright today has to come to an end, what had happened have happened, I have disappointed everyone including myself. So let bygones be bygones. I have to start afresh, and forget everything. I am new.

2009-03-22T11:41:00.002+08:00

jc life has kept me from everything, and i am disgusted by it, whether its the fact of being influenced or the influence. i lost my courage to express myself, cause i am afraid to be exposed. my ugly heart is hideous, my behaviour are explainable. this is very wrong, but i cant help myself from not doing it.
i am turning away from teen and being an adult is complicated. life shouldnt be what it is like now especially when all problems seem to be redundant. it does not get any better when i am digging into my problems. why cant i open up my heart and learn to appreciate who i am, accept who people are. its all about generosity, but the truth always fails upon me. where is the happy go lucky me, the "cant be bothered" attitude. perhaps i am too self conscious, and overtime, my self conscious overlaid my good and painted a ugly picture. i am ugly.
there is not much reasons for me to be happy, i see people who are younger than me doing so much better than me, leading lives they proposed, and i see no reason why gods never seems to make things work for me. will life be tougher in the future especially when god always turn his back at me. i believe in you, its a belief. belief is supposed to give you the mentality to move on, instead, i misplaced it on the route to where ever i am heading to.
i need to get back to my so called duties, i have to lay my hands away from drinks, lone away from parties, and even stop the only thing that make me feel good and proud, dressing up.
i feel inferior, because of my bangs, my character, my brain, my looks. superficial is the thing that i can excel?

---no photos--- fucking look so ugly every now and then

steal all luck

2009-01-05T23:09:00.006+08:00

so far 2009 has being alright, hopefully, i can finish my tutorials in time, but apparently, they are still collecting dust. second of all, hope mummy's business will prosper. third of all, i want to wish for everything to be accomplished smoothly, regardless its my studies or relationships. lastly, i want to be healthy, i want my family to be healthy.

giving out earnestly will not ensure a full return. i will never plan for any team outings AGAIN.

i shall only mention those mentionable and good parts. they were invited to my place for steamboat, my god, cuttlefish cheese balls were HEAVENLY, the soup was great. too bad, the rest can never get to taste them, and never will i cook for them AGAIN. and of course, there are certain things that they have to pay off, they are being ordered by me to clean up the place after the steamboat, and the hopeless jessie can just play her part by sitting aside, thats all i would like to wish from her. otherwise, the electrical bills will be a bomb, for additional info, she use electricity and water like nobody's business. thanks everyone for playing your part.

we headed to jetty after the steamboat (stupid yw left) and didnt stay for long. jac and mich went home straight and left jessie, pris and i checking out the night market. seriously, we almost teared the so called arcade station at the night market and we earned ourselves two spiderman hammers. eventually, the night is all about a war of hitting.

my entry is getting bore, i am stopping here.

jessie look mother ugly

off to sleep

FAT FAT F-A-T

2008-12-11T00:14:00.003+08:00

(ugly purposely wanna squeeze into this photo)

this is the best photo that hides my fat face and weini's bulbous nose

i finally caught up with xinmin, nothing can be more than these three words, i miss you. there are so much about her that i definitely will not wanna lose this friend. she makes me feel good. anyway, after the dinner with weini, i am pretty safe to leave xinmin in her hands. i am glad for them seeing them so loving and just some images that caught me at the back of my head. at the same time, i think i need more time to get use her, use to everything.

J is having his menopause recently, shouted at me over the phone (i know he didnt mean it, let alone realise it). his emotions are affecting me, planting wrinkles on my face.

and a good news; everybody, your wish has came true. i am putting on weight, and you dont have to be envied over my body anymore, and obviously my face looks like there are two big chicken paos stuffed inside.

bad news is i am going back to my diet plans, and i have to tune my alarm clock back to normal so that i will not eat at super late late nights. this will officially start from today after training.

and i am going to mop the floor before going to sleep cause i ate too much earlier on, a little bit of work out does help?

probe

2008-12-05T23:45:00.001+08:00

i have been behaving abnormally after yesterday's party (to be exact wed's party). definitely its not something to do with my mental constraint despite from the fact that i am suffering with insufficient sleep. maybe i had been unprincipled in certain moments.

butter was much better than last week but i would still rather make my trip down to mambo if not for jac. after all, we are all strangers.

its highly potential that jac might turn out to a regular clubber after that night, she couldnt stop asking for more dance when my body was way more than wear and tear. at the same time, i am glad its a post prom thingy as you bump into girls like amelia who will use all her might to go as crazy as me. things will never be lonely with her. so i guess i am quite looking forward to club with her, and the christie group again, and and CONSTANCE.

still the same old thing, i am slowly going to lone away from night life. i am pretty firm about this after so many encounters of weariness and sickness after clubbing.

by the way, NYians cant dress as many can know, it is still the same old image. the dance floor are taken up by the volleyballers, the regular clubbers, and amelia and her group of classmates, and scramble with three or four unknowns around. ohhh I SAW VIVIAN, my classmate, i never doubt she has anything less to be my clubbing classmate in the future.

lastly, like what could be often observed in clubs were also seen during the post prom, scandals. its for me to know, and also for you to find out. fatty and alright are pretty often seen hanging around in the canteen and they were turn offs as well on that night. enough clues.

ohhh how can i miss out shu wen? she always has the image stick hard in my mind, my cute friend.

i got nothing to say about xm, she is ....., not mine.

bitch

2008-12-01T22:44:00.003+08:00

girls are good at barking like bitches, and of course, i am born as one as well. when girls get too lose, bel can use a screw drive to screw them back. maybe xxxxxtxx needs bel.

by the way, i intend to match make S and J since N's life span is over, N has exceeded the expiry date. it would be cool to see J and S together.

other things are catching up in a good way, just watch and see how they go?

reunion

2008-11-27T04:20:00.004+08:00

its a 0725 three crazy women date after 365 days.

pris got another catch! FAST

supposingly J wanted to go mambo night, but it was way too packed, so we headed down to butter, atmosphere wasnt good, music was alright, but ladies are crazy. most importantly, i seriously think i am aging. i am tired of clubbing, start to dislike noises and crowded places. i prefer my bed. i hate going home late.

whats more? i am meeting marcus and jac to study later, i am having training in the evening, i will have super fat face since i am still not under my blanket right now. it would be better if i hide my hideous face in an enclose room.

met donna at butter as well. both of us agree butter is way too boring and i will be going back to B next thurs for the post prom. i just wanna hit my ass at that place to form a gossip bitch group. it will definitely be fun gossiping about NYians.

ok goodmorning people, i am going to enjoy the rainy weather in my blanket.

diamonds are girls' best friend

2008-11-23T22:38:00.004+08:00

i took mummy to new york new york for dinner today. thats not the point. today's jessie last day of work; let my mum meet jessie; have precious time with mummy. to think about it... it has been forever since i last went out with mummy. i had not been a good girl for the past few years, it had been hard for mummy to bring me up alone, daddy has been such a disappointment especially recently. i was cantankerous, a high maintenance barbie. mummy should start to enjoy as much as her can, as much as she deserve.

jessie gave me the red beetle car thumb drive finally. seriously it is so cute to the extent that the big big fatty guy, freddy?, has countless attempts to steal it away. i am making it into a necklace and going to bring it around.

perhaps i am seriously aging, i am in love with diamonds. mummy and i went into some jewellery shops and we had quite a few snaps. i have been telling her i feel like getting a diamond ring or a diamond pendant. she is quite supportive because in this way i wouldn't spend money on redundant clothes. diamonds are investment, diamonds are my excuses, diamonds are methods to make your girlfriends' eyes go sparkle and blink blink. at the same time, she thinks i cant afford one, so she kinda intend to pass me her gold diamond ring. how how?

bad day

2008-11-22T10:21:00.002+08:00

things didnt go smoothly yesterday at work. i received a complain from customer. it wasnt right for me to fight over a dress with a customer, but i did my shopping after my work. she came into the shop not seeing the dress being displayed on the rack, and seeing me walking out of the fitting room with that dress. what could make her more effing pissed was that she found out i am going to buy that dress and that was the last piece. thats not all. she complained to my colleague and wanted to call justin for giving a face, an attitude that she didnt like. hello! i was mother guilty for taking the dress before you alright?! what kind of face can i show? an arrogant one? her that sentence truly make me feel that i was right for buying the dress and i shouldnt even have consider to give up the black one for the purple one. blame herself for not getting it, for hesitating over whether she should get the dress when its still available.

secondly, from yesterday's another accident, always be "FAKE" to your customers, NEVER give promises as they might come back kicking a fuss over your words. i am a bad sale assistant.

i'll only be working on Thursday for next week, should start planning my whole week schedule in case it ticks as fast as i snap my fingers. it cant be a waste.

2008-11-11T11:59:00.001+08:00

i am mother tired right now but i still wanna share with you guys this very special person that i had met. i seriously marvel his commitment towards all his girls, he is going an extra mile for everyone when he can simply get his ass off all business and simply get his job done. i have always deprived a man of life, hungered for fatherly love, and this is the reason why i extremely do not wish to get down his car. he gives me entertainment ... let call it... a kind of father love which i have longed for, or maybe it was just after the yesterday's incident when facts were earnestly punch right in my face. i am happy-go-lucky cause i do not acknowledge facts, i do admit i live in my self-denial world. cheat me by all means, just make those facts stay as far away from as possible. thank you.

happy belated birthday to me

2008-11-02T23:56:00.000+08:00

the team cheated my feelings on my birthday, and i was naive or rather i was optimistic to be credulous and to think that it would turn out to be a big surprise. seriously, expectation turns nothing, nothing turns surprises; instead sophinatoh pop out to spend my first eighteenth day, and anabel made a super good friend by spending the night with me despite the fact that she's gonna have her As in a week time. pui pui and pinky are still the best, they deserve my party hats and crown the most. if i do not mention this name, she'll most probably kill me, and thats the jessssita who never fails to make me walk home from sengkeng every time i meet her at pasir ris at midnight. she consort the last five minutes of my seventeenth life and drove the first tear of my eighteenth life. thankful?

the mean girl- ANNABEL

you appear inappropriately, not once

Now you are gone

2008-10-25T10:56:00.004+08:00

please take care of hui king, your girlfriend, comb her everyday, shower her with love and care

(yellow cactus)

strolling through the days.....

now that you are gone

number one baby

2008-10-12T12:52:00.004+08:00

tsunami swept pieces and bits away, we are back together. we had talked about it and both of us agree that it would be better of this way. so why not?

the identical hunger for love is all we need, we love them not, we love the loving thing yes.

meant it may it be

get me on BOARD

2008-10-10T23:05:00.000+08:00

i brought jac to the new face competition and it was spectacular. those audiences were so well dressed that they framed my existence like some country bumpkin girl. most of the audiences were models, obviously can tell from their dressing and height... whatever... (secretly cursing them and obviously, imagining myself as big deal as them) come to talk about the male models, MY GOD, they are drop-dead gorgeous can? i had posted my favourite three male models below, enjoy(:
seriously, i think most of the contestants have very lousy walk. despite from the fact that they do not have the look neither do they have the height, they emerged as the top 25, how best singapore can be? "great!" (i know i am no where better)
constance totally rock the runway, her walk is full of energy and that really pull the rest off the stage.

lastly, ok shahirah price won. she was so totally different back from secondary one, totally not the girl who used to be my band mate. she is so unnoticeable, who will know she will turn out to be THIS? there is a saying, eighteen turns a girl into a flower, so will miracle turn me into a rose on the 27th? *blink blink* maybe i will wake up with sharp chin, sleep jaw lines, bigger forehead, sexier lips.

magical lights glisten upon the mirror

may it reflects the girl's grace to come

2008-09-04T09:45:00.008+08:00

news heading: Anabel in Action

We caught her in 3 for 10 dollars clothes at CLARKE QUAY

(national day outing)

(teachers' day)

what could be worse than no social life, no nonsense, no flirting, no blogging and struck in a mundane work routine for another one and a half year more, provided that i do not retain, and if i ever do, i guess i will just drop out and go to lasell, and pursue arts. i am totally serious.

as everyone can see i am way better in arts than killing my brain cells to work out the vectors equation when i cant even identify which is the position vector. obviously, its not about killing anymore zillions of brain cells but its about the ability to kill them. nonetheless, i do not have any data in my brain to manipulate my cell to work out the solutions. thats it, i will try to do whatever i can

harold is flying off to london on my gp paper. seriously, i am going to wait for him for four years, and when he is back, i will definitely wanna marry him. he can give me whatever that none of those boys can. yes, he is the one. honestly, i am starting to miss him. meanwhile, i will just continue my duty with other boys.

ohhh god, i miss my teammate, havent seen them for one week. i miss the pinky that always cant get her nerve down and calm. i miss the chucky jac that never fail to display ugly faces. (jac, clear your doubts about my neg feeling for you, you are my girlfriend like always, though i am always justify your ugly faces (: ) i miss yiwen for all her act innocent,and at the same time bimbo acts, esp with me. lichia who have just turned eighteen and who bloody stay at istanna. i am also missing eunice with all her totally not funny jokes and our co ordinations on court. lastly, mich with her attempts to entertain us, good job. jess and pris, you guys are the veges of my meal! seeeeee

2008-08-01T22:41:00.008+08:00

it has been like forever since i last blogged. i am devoted to be a mugger. there is no way i am going to retain, for sure.

seriously, days are pulling, nights are tiring. definitely i will collapse, and it's predictable. i am sinking into minor depression. what could be worst than crying, with conscious effort to remark the "gloomyness", while travelling home from school? what could be worst than crying just by sitting quietly in the lecture hall and listening attentively? what could be worst than tussling to stay awake, remain dynamic during training despite of let say 2 hours of sleep? what can never come to the worst is the encouragement coming from your friends and teammates like around-the-clock. i love them, seriously.

basically, mid year has a song for me "4 U". good job and thanks.

some way in another, his... just never stop leaving behind the bread, as a marking, like the story of hansel and gretel. contact me if you can.

i miss all my besties

WHEW HOO WHEW

2008-07-11T23:24:00.003+08:00

strike me a loud thunder

blow me a big wind

shower me a heavy rain

cause you know i need it more than anyone does

i had been rather down lately

i had been issuing passports
to repetitious strains

i am going to stop being the life and soul of a party

2008-07-06T10:46:00.004+08:00

my charming boy (or rather not mine)

emerge unpredictably

pilfer subconsciously

fickle me with your moves

i am ruffled by the perceived slight

quid nunc?

the heart doesnt revolve like it supposes

callous attitude no longer works on me

soooo stop your fl... in compensation

verbum sab

i seriously secretly love to receive m. _alls

found this pretty pic of sop

2008-06-29T11:15:00.009+08:00

MID YEAR IS OVER, CAN YOU KINDLY LET ME SLEEP IN PEACE PLEASE

still struggling with agony
can everyone stop flying, stop leaving me
i need more than your hug
GIRLS LOVE TO MAKE THEIR LIFE MISERABLE

why?!

jac: i got so much so much to tell you, but i dont feel like letting the words flow out, i cant wait to to to...
shan: can i go join you?

i met gusti yesterday, we went separated as soon as we come together, like always, and sad to know, like what i expected, he is leaving.

( pictures at vaunt III )

after the show

before the show

natalia, the one is jet asia uniform, is super hot and pretty, i swear. her walk is enough to make me meltzzz. she doesnt look as pretty here

2008-06-21T01:46:00.002+08:00

this is the marking of a brand new day, brand new alice.
i am happy for what i am able to hold back.
i am happy cause i am a new alice, hopefully it will be of a success
i am happy people are willing to give me a chance

sorry for the past and thanks to all your understanding
(:

2008-06-14T23:06:00.017+08:00

seriously, time is scarce, my holiday is going to end as soon as it begins. i have no idea if i used it wisely, but for sure, i am packed 24/7 regardless with nonsensical or significant matters. so is that good or bad? having been attending all the parties in conjunction to VAUNT, meet interesting people, mingle around with the models and committees. lastly, i saw clement at PLAY, and i immediately jumped onto him and hug him! i miss him hell crazy! and HE GOT BRACES ON! SO CUUUUUTTE!! i can never forget those days when we smuggle conversation during SS lessons, i played around with his hair, his face, eventually the whole body, and all the slaughters for food and money HAHAHAHHA

oh btw, i am learning shuffling, its super fun i swear. damn cool to dance it but i cant get it smooth regardless how many millions of litres of effort are threw in, if only it can be counted in litres? it was yat that got me going. he taught me immediately after the PLAY party till about six and we headed home together cause we stay at punggol(: i cant wait for school to reopen and show off it

secondly, i swear xinmin is my loving pie. she never fails to disappoint me though she always do it verbally. i am so gonna hold her tight and never let go(: she is my bodyguard, my accompaniment, my rubbish collector, my anything and everything! and she loves my red bean soup, so i am going to use red bean soup to tie her(:

and sop sop actually ask me to look for some other babies since she found her new baby):

sorry deleted cause i actually created unnecessary misunderstanding and made my friends feel frustrated because of all the allegation and accuses. and btw, i am the source. i shall not type the whole story here as long as we know everything is cleared and i want to start anew, so why bring back the past.

i went to jaslyn's house to study on fri! it was great man. i mean we dont feel awkward cause hq is CRAZY. its great to come out together after like super long. jas: be yourself when you're with me, and i know you will, so be sure you turn up on mon.

catch up with wulong, had alot of food and yes everyone is still the same and perfectly fine. just that feifei gained weight HAHAHAHA its good that "situation" is inert and we will always be the wulong. it occupied vacuum among the forces. they are great chocolates that will never get sick.

today's rehearsal is LONG and tiring. my designer piece kinda sucks, but i will bring the best out of it. there will definitely be room for improvement with factors to my walk, co ordinations to AJ, my male partner, and communications with my designer. i so want to get into the upfront team, i need a agency, i dont need to win but i just need to have contacts with them. therefore, i will give everything, do anything, like bribery? HAHAHAHA, just to get the worthing contact. hey judges, get your pair of eyes on ME cause it can never be stereotype. btw, my fashion show is this coming tues, the vaunt III party @ MOS, from 10pm till 1am? tell me if you wanna come and support(:

lastly, pictures for the past outing and parties

party @ butterfactory; theme: mismatch

this is my coool coool cherographer, he is bloody hot with his walksshe cant get her eyes off the super thick butter toast even she is talking

@ play theme: PYJAMES THIS IS MY SEXY LINGERIE with ALTHEA'S PINK OVERSIZED PYJAMES TOPmy sugar, yes mine.

BUSY LIKE SUPER

2008-06-03T10:38:00.000+08:00

O-M-G! you cant believe this. i got into zouk, no event, no party, without an IC and a ticket! and people i am still seventeen(: this is so awesome. its super good to be prestigious or maybe flirtatious as connections with those consequential old men come along(: and thats precisely what christie, a bloody hell SIX-POINTER, and EXPELLED FROM ACJC, possesses.

i had quite a bit of drink that night, and immediately, after when that grobble struggle down my throat, my emotions spilled. i didnt have a clear mind, what i did, what i messaged, and i am seriously sorry whether its towards gusti or any other guys or even myself. sorry, gusti, sorry for those rude words. honestly, clubbing isnt fun, or at times.

immediately after clubbing til 3 plus, i need to rush home to get ready for work in botanic garden at 5 A.M. i am actually somehow paid to take photos there? it was indeed easy cash!

and babies, sorry for what happened on sunday, i ruined your mood, i ruined the relationship. sorry for the harsh words and actions. you guys worth more than anything, something that i wouldn't wanna lose, seriously(:

lastly, i am tanned and i love my back! i had tanning session with marilyn, her bf, danny?, xueyao? all i remember were volleyballwas flying everywhere and napping period was great and green tea thunder brown rice totally sucks!

people stop calling me anorexic, cause i am putting on weight already! please, stop it. i need to go back to the oats milk, wholemeal bread and vegetables diet again!

butter party tonight! missmatch! omg! mambo ladies night on wed! whats coming up?

lincoln's drive skills is "AWESOME" can?! sitting on his car make us look way ugly.
this is gross, take a closer look

out of a sudden, i realised what i am pursuing do not suit me in any way. what am i doing?

STORY OF TWO

2008-05-29T23:43:00.006+08:00

A Man in Disguise- DAD

He was one that every woman wanted. A bachelor that could fulfill the needs of every single woman. the charismatic scent that drew women close was indisputable. however, truth cannot be hidden for long. a renascent of a dreadful life has began. why? because of his ego. why? because of his retribution. why? for all the consequences of his flirty moves. he is being watched every now and then. every move strike with shame. dignity of sentiments... gone. but still, i will take good care of him and love him like never before. i love you, dad.

Baby Fingers - KEQIN

Baby finger loves to live in self-denial. perhaps, she has no choice but to choose to believe in herself. deep down, everyone understands and knows that she always envy lady fingers. with all the mighty wills and wants to germinate, somehow, her wishes are not granted. what happened next? she cuddled herself in a corner and draw circles. ever since then, she is promoted to emo kid finger. at least no longer a baby... random storyline, sorry to bore you out.

i was suntanning last sat and there was this tiko pek who openly "hid" behind kq and i, taking photos of us. i feel so invaded omg! he is soooooooo i dont know not local and ewwwww. i was soo wanted to step forward and snatch the camera from his hand but my pussy forbidden. i can only talk big but do nothing.
and people! i am spotted for this siloso hotbods competition so please vote for me cause i want the CASH! deadline is on 31st may, so thanks people! -- http://www.silosohotbods.com.sg/ iam b44(:

and yes, jodi, you totally make my day by telling me i am in for the event! goodness gracious that you checked! and keqin, thanks for your accompany to sentosa, happy? my darlings are coming over tml morning to pick an outfit for a dinner with jodi's parents, sound as if i am going to meet my in-laws.

and after so long, i am going to shop with my girlfriend, constance. she is the sugar to my fats(:

inverse relationship

2008-05-20T22:02:00.007+08:00

long weekend but short leisure

my night has ultimately turned into day and day ultimately to night. i am a nocturnal pussy that works secretly and attains task that deceive the truth. results were stupendous. remarkable feat will be paid off, hopefully.

thanks for all the tolerance that my gingerly friends (esp akq) had shown and i know i was mean. my mens just refuse to come. successfully, the demons within dominated and distinguished divergent behaviours which are irritating and unforgiven. come soon okay!

kq's mum is really sweet to make us all the sweeties! go her house SOON AGAIN!

i made the greatest model for a shop lifting adI know i look super extreme hideous and studious in school, i know, i know(: and i am the GP teacher of that day!

and stupid jodi please come back to school soon, i got lots of to grumble. stupid jodi makes school sucks today for me, esp geo): you totally ruined my day):

flirting wasnt a want.

deisgned not to be (updated)

2008-05-11T22:25:00.007+08:00

there is no gainsaying that the fact that human shade their tears till they fetched a lesson. i did pick up small details, but it wasnt enough for me to germinate fully.

we lost the game, but it was a good fight. the sight of the team's spirit, yes, was indeed worthy for the exchange of this lesson. so i think i learned and gained in the end? goals are awaiting, efforts are to be shown, results will definitely be seen. we will be back next year.

my history stories are recovering. they are all experience which i am lacked of. i need more of them. youth cup, here we come, as a team, ny team(:

supposingly, all filial children are to accompany their loving or irritating mama today, but i didnt. my mama was out! my busted brother was out as well! they left me breathing with still air, it was plain boring!
JAC was surprisingly, to me, free since the mediacorp artiste didnt date her early enough? and her mum was out for a 'mummy's celebration' holiday. the rest, which includes my caring classmates, my dazzling darlings, have to show their affection to their onerous duties mummies. to conclude, it was a suntanning day instead of mothers' day, to me.

today is bad. today is cloudy. today is 'dweeb', all cute guys went on a celebration with their mummies. yes, no hunky at the bay. all activities commute to photos taking.

two claps for jac for spoiling the photos(: you win, you succeeded

(memorial of E)

lastly, my two years old eraser had parted. it committed suicide, or rather, it was being murder. culprit, ang keqin. though the newbie is nice to use, it can never replace the relationship with my beloved eraser cause it had been watching my for the past two years through various tedious examinations and shared my hard work. its death had caused my luck to be pretty down last week. shit you keqin xp

rest in peace, my beloved E.

invasion of fate

2008-05-04T11:17:00.004+08:00

conning was ab initio, the revealed of the great truth was more than what to be found.

nolens volens, i will accept my fate as more are coming up in ways of positive.

as it all begins from my supportive classmates, and dazzling besties to my favourite girlfriend, constance(:

she is the one that i have been seeking for long, i guess

GIVE ME MORE CANDIES BABY

2008-04-29T21:46:00.003+08:00

from the sweetest of the gorgeous to the major of the closest, compile to make my candy day! how loving and gummy could it be?

"you woke me up with your lovely call
an attempt to hear my sexy morning voice
now you're going to ditch me aside
Juliet oh Juliet
where for art thou Juliet" - Von(t)

"though you are not missing me, i still miss you and love you regardless of anything" - (ff)

stop expressing them though they are irresistible

cant wait for this weekend to come to meet my gorgeous(:

ok breathe alice BREATHE

2008-04-23T23:24:00.002+08:00

obviously, the so uncivilised girl has no sense of humour and cant tell it was a joke. i am not going to start a fight there since it isnt nice as well. i am going to let the matter rest. ok BREATHE DEEPER. honestly which idiot will wanna reveal their name if it is mend to be a spram.

perhaps, in the future i SHOULD ALWAYS add a SMILEY to INDICATE that that is MERELY a JOKE.

seriously damn mother fucking pissed to be insulted and threatened. stand up for me but i doubt you will do so.

2008-04-19T20:42:00.004+08:00

chronically ashamed to utter the truth. minority are justified in some of my condemnatory behaviour. perhaps, it is just my character like mentioned. opposite sex can aggravate the situation but they are the creatures to keep the planet spinning, existing. eventually, the "emptiness" extinguishes with brimming ambitions to accomplish.

grab my clothes, put on a show cause i am ready to go.
hafeez has me going.

2008-04-13T00:38:00.004+08:00

april 12th, saturday night, gloomy dark sky
i am marking down my footsteps along the dominating street lamps
"they" outshone my spirts, reflected my souls, moved with my shawdows
i was beaten down by them that night
i guessed i touched the past the phony
those questions kept droning
like a never ending

later,, i realised time was short. questions ended as soon as they begun.

i had married off my two daughters ):

2008-04-09T19:21:00.004+08:00

it is undeniable neither will i be afraid to admit that, yes, my misses rather still hang upon you. whether you are reading this entry or not, i still have to say, i know my limits, and i am mature enough and reasonable enough to know and understand there is no going back, just in case you do not know me well enough. like what i always say, once it is done, there is no turning back. as for now, i know we are better off as friends, and both of us definitely are living well without each other, so please do not think that i am demanding or expecting that memories could be recovered. so yea, friends? (:

2008-04-06T00:16:00.003+08:00

dammit. mingyi sucks, iklhas rocks. its getting high to the extent i wanna literately fly to any clubs. teenagers shouldnt be locked up and should ALL party! especially those pretty boys. *biggest smile*

"whats party without grinding and all?"

2008-04-05T23:01:00.004+08:00

think jac will continue it

this is surprisingly true and someone finds my post interesting(: seriously, i feel so honoured. okay, thanks for the compliment.

ikhas is so being missed only for today for initiating to be a himbo in order to be the potential bimbo's partner who is me. i realised there is so much for me to catch up with my friends even mingyi. out of a sudden, topics just went on and on in our conversation, maybe for some good mood of his that he is willing to be so nice and friendly to me. ok great.

lastly, i guess i found myself back with plans to move forward. i feel more of relief than anything.

2008-04-04T23:09:00.002+08:00

take my day away, it doesnt even matter to me. it is indeed bad. shorten my life like you like. it is unfaithful.
perhaps, it's not about reflecting, it's about moving forward, without elements of you.

2008-03-30T12:25:00.002+08:00

if i were to be back then, i wouldnt have done the same thing, only if time could be reversed and worries would have been redundant.
as for now, i just gotta pray hard, it is just a false alarm, everything will be alright.
please, do grant my wish cause i am willing to do anything if for not being ....

2008-03-25T22:55:00.003+08:00

be it...

as and when you like..

bothers are meant to be neglected.

SIN

2008-03-23T02:11:00.002+08:00

life sucks. im in guilt. i know what im doing, whether its good or bad, and i can differentiate. however, at times, i just need to think further, and the results of not thinking brought me to this current state. mum, im aware of my actions, so let me take the punishment of being broke right now. i believe staying out late is acceptable, but spending my money like this is outrageous. adding a "never mind" doesnt allow me to learn any lesson, give yourself a lecture like seriously. i need to reflect on my actions, know your limits.
baby, come back! tell me what is right! i need a talk, so call me):
i had made a sin.

2008-03-22T12:15:00.003+08:00

i am feeling kinda bad now partly because goose is on another island, away from me? everything doesnt feel specifically excited to me. im spending or even bashing time on doing mundane chores. comes to this, life is really mundane and i guess goose can turn it over somehow, but the fact that, he is not in singapore right now, really left me with no choice but to carry on with the daily rotations. this had thoroughly reflected on my blog as i had not been updating for the past 10 days since everyday is equally ultimate boring and still mundane. its repeating all over and over again, like sleeping, dieting, training, listening, studying? though studying is pretty interesting.

maybe this long weekend can pull something off from its mundane. however, it was still awfully boring, maybe slightly better, alright? when i squeezed myself out of my door. or maybe the cheesy scallop and lum xm did push my day up up?

in short, i just wanna say i miss him hell crazy. come back soon cause we NEED to go to Mrt star-ti-on together and i got a small surprise for you.

2008-03-13T23:50:00.005+08:00

i wish i'm verbally expressive so as to dedicate those words to you.

i wish i'm emotionally versatile so as to control my feelings well.

and why does the key force me to act differently.

2008-03-12T23:57:00.003+08:00

for some unknown power that is pushing me, i succeeded. sugar daddy brought me out again. though a table of delicacies is displayed, my mentality somehow said NO. perhaps i wasnt in a mood for anything even though daniel offers a treat. i am losing my confident in some way due to the expected amount of _ _ _ _ _ is not given. i am not trying to invade into anything. afterall, you gave me the _ _ _ _ _ _ so arent you supposed to lose something to sacrifice? seriously, you werent as big deal as i thought initially for now. i hoped i dont do things on impulse just like the sweater that cause me touring around in town and also running into jessie for three times. (she just wanna stalk me) hopefully, i did make a good choice.
sugar daddy shall take up all my fats since he is so skinny. three tarts: i took one and he took two. a donut: i took one mouth and he took two. although these foods are sinful, i guess he helps to take up two quarter of the sins so it wasnt that sinful afterall. in conclusion, i did try to skip my meal, and only takes small tiny bits of snack, and hence, my diet was pretty successful. SHIT! I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THE BLACK PEPPER CRAB. dammit.

please go on, power to the rangers!

2008-03-12T12:34:00.002+08:00

i am losing my determination and mentality to slim down. i did it, i had succeed a few days back and now i am gobbling all the junk food down my throat again. why is this so? for the sake of your loves, for the sake of the jealousy glares, for the sake of more counter ship, please you need to slim down before school reopens. in other words, these few days, i will look hideous. i am going to limit myself to a meal per day and it gotta be a healthy meal especially there's no more training this week. please go climb the stairs or do what so ever, i want you to look great!

MENTALITY

seriously, at times how i wish i suffer from anorexia or eating disorder

2008-03-02T16:25:00.003+08:00

okay i think i need to take back all my grumbles, all my words, all my actions. at times, or even every time, i am always afraid to speak up. i am afraid i am verbally too demanding. hence, i am always so scared to the extent that i refused to voice them out. however, i think the effect is vice versa. every time when i am too afraid to lose you, too afraid that i will voice out everything, my brain always order my limbs to do stupid things such as crying over the phone, screaming over the phone, starting a quarrel, grumbling in my blog, and every all of these were merely to seek your attention, just an additional attention of yours i think. this is childish and i had none of any idea that i was until you scolded me and woke me up. maybe i am not the rightful girl for you, but you ARE the rightful boy for me. perhaps the boy that is there to wake me up and stop me from all the childish moves and thinkings. every time when you shot me with the question, i wanted to tell you what exactly i want and the "want" gush out so much that i decided to act differently, act foohlishly by saying something to spike you instead. cause i know that you are willing to give in to me, and i just want to stand firm and say no, today means today, you get what i mean? now to think back, i am really stubborn and childish, like what you said.
lastly, you are so much so much so much that i want that i seriously dont want to lose you at all no matter how mean you are to me, no matter how much you dont want to meet me. cause i think in some way i will just get over it, definitely find a certain way to numb myself and not to see you in some way by doing all the tutorials, training hard, paying my ultra attention during lectures to keep you away in mind? (: i am still going to stand firm, and never find break up as a resolution unless i never love you anymore or again one day cause once the break is done, nothing can be reversed.

iamsorryfor being childish and demanding. l love you and thats for sure.
it is really hard on you to have a dumb girlfriend.

this song is dumb cause not everything can be you want it that way

GRUMBLES!

2008-03-02T00:35:00.005+08:00

i was so speechless, i worth not more than a bloody _ _ _ _ of _ _ _

and do you know how on earth or hell was i experiencing at the split second? the wobbly feeling which links all the way to the heart, the motionless, the no energy exposure that stroke on me?
and for all ..... i have no idea .... - to everything
and everytime it show casts "_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _", that stupid feeling will definitely strike me
and how much do you know that i want to catch it with you, not the team, but you?

ok i done, i am feeling better RIGHT NOW after grumbling(:

i was watching dirty dance;havania night. omg!! its damn sweet to wake up in the morning to have your sweetest gift lying in your arms. but seriously, does that kind of story line happens in real life?

people! catch the wedding affair cause jaymee is hosting it together with UTT! the best partner seriously. dammit to mingyi and jaymee! why is it that the whole family get the good genes, the model figures, the sharp noses, the witty brains?

2008-02-27T20:57:00.001+08:00

in short, i miss you like hell crazy.
1 and 1/2 weeks ....

models have sexy legs
i have wobbly legs(:

2008-02-24T21:44:00.007+08:00

life is too short for bad things
so why not lead a happy way out?

think twice before taking actions

cause all responsible gotta be carried

people think "to hold but not being held"

alice thinks "not to hold but being held"

is it clear enough?

i enjoyed the breeze

i enjoyed the nature

i enjoyed you by my side together with the prettiest greenery

cause love is never artificial just like the woods

if there is a will, there is a way.....

2008-02-24T00:34:00.003+08:00

HAPPY NINETEEN, SOPPY!!

yes she looks super demure, yes DEMURE, and pretty today(:
emitting radiant from the showering of loves and presents(:
lastly, i love you as i always do(:
my gratefulness simply cant be described by words
thank you..

this is my pretty sop reading my card(:

im very black right now!
hope it turns him on....

i'll try my best to be un_ _ _ s_ _ _d_ng.
cause i _o_ _ you.

2008-02-21T00:10:00.003+08:00

daniel dotes me the most, yes, seriously, no doubt!!

it has been donkeys years since someone buys me toys. it feels so great to have a new toy, i mean not everyday get a new toy, but once in a blue moon get a new toy. and after so much of whining and everything, he paid for my whoo-la-hoop(: going to toy'R'us brings back so many childhood memories, those days when my dad would never fail to get me toys; like barbie, every morning. with the whoo-la-hoop, i will definitely have a waist that is as skinny as bamboo(: and i will do it every morning so as to not to wast dan's money. he is my sugar daddy(: loves loves

back to whoo-la-hooping....

but still, as equally bitter.
who knows?

simply cherish every existing spilt seconds

2008-02-20T01:04:00.007+08:00

though there were slightly arguements, unsatisfactions, i still love you.
though you are vuglar, rude, i still love you.
though the classical form that i fascinated is going off-track, i still love you.

for everything, for every actions, for every words, for every disappointment, for every happiness, whether it affects or not, i still love you. the reason behind- i dont wanna lose you

you are the sugar to my fats(:

aching~!~! peel them off or whatever, stop the pain! my skin is ripening because of some dumb ass who refused to move! but still, i enjoyed the extreme heat from the sun penetrating into my skin, and lastly, his body temperature with the help of medium called radiation.

i like the way you secretly take my hideous photos
i like the way you reveal your weird behaviour by spiking me
i like the way you say i love you baby
cause i cant wait to fall deeper

and my duty is to change my attitude, be more understanding
but seriously, i dont mean anything. perhaps thats the way i express, you see?
like how harsh you are at times, how hurting when you act as though you dont spare a bother?
and i know you dont mean it.

last of all, please, please, please god, let me get into catholic junior college.
and peace to everything.

we have lesser time for each other, all i wanna do is to cherish every single moments with the tiko, irritating but loving ah pek aka goose(:

2008-02-15T02:17:00.003+08:00

happy valentine to lessandra, sop, xm, kkm, shark, darren, brand, bert, zy, daniel, ikhlas and all my darlings..

most importantly, goose, you are my sweetest pie ever(:

i guess both of us feel insecure as both of us think that each other is not good enough for the other. no matter what, i will try my utmost to keep it in its classical form for him for me for a longer route cause i'm falling deeper.

YES OMG! I WAS TOTALLY, SERIOUSLY, SUPER, EXTREMELY TOUCHED with the gift(necklace) he had got it for me. you can never find the same item on earth, on any planet, any ultimate space. his present makes me feel guilty due to all the last-min shopping, typical-ness, and insincerity of my gift): i promised i will plan in the future.

i hate it so much, i hate it so much when he always look better than me in photo, or maybe ermm*cough* in real life. i cant take pretty photos nowsdays!! cause im getting fatter): and im still eating right now... !!!

sorry if i cant satisfy your needs, but im true for you

2008-02-08T18:25:00.000+08:00

my heart mother fucking rained like niagara waterfall when it shows the message.
speechless

he doesnt know me the best, but he does love me the most,
at least that what i guess?

looks are deceiving

2008-02-06T01:28:00.000+08:00

yea seriously, looks are totally deceiving or maybe yea pretty deceiving. i shall not reveal much cause shark refuse to call me and sooooo... i m not going to tell her.

ongskynaga misses alice aka ngee chiu kweek.

you better behave yourself(:

2008-02-02T00:25:00.000+08:00

after so much of U-turns and aimless driving, i think sop and xm really make very good friends. but still i miss you lessandra! (:

sop will never forget to bring me along to events of anything, she will not let me miss out any fun.

xm will never dump me alone but stay next to me to guide me along.

jackie's party wasn't as expected, left as soon as we reached. i didnt manage to catch up with justin as well. but im going back soon to get all the CLOTHES!! MONDAY!

i had displayed all the photos whether its ghostly or ugly(: look how loving sop and i are. i love you as i always do

he is at the other end of singapore grinding some other girls):

2008-01-26T12:02:00.000+08:00

144 hours of waiting, enclosed of dread presence gave utter annihilation.

despite from the fact that everything seems to be in its classical state, he is not making the first move. i do not have american time, what on earth do you want? its all going to expire this sun, and thats all the time im going to give you for the one last chance. i'm being overly incapacity and exaggerated. this show how much i want. call me whatever you like.

i gonna stop flirting if i do badly for Os. however, i did well. thus i WILL still continue! HAHAHAHA

2008-01-20T21:27:00.000+08:00

i sent her off this morning. come to talk about it, i feel so guilty. i actually overslept and thanks so much to kaihong's call so as to make it in time. guess the atmosphere wasnt as bad, as sad. the only one who cried is siew hui. at times, i think you do not have to reveal your inner feelings through emotions. ok this is my thinking. i am not trying to say anything, or mean anything bad, just i do not want to reveal it, you see?

i will miss you lessandra, seriously. the letter will replace your prescene for the time being, so do come back. and i hope you will see this entry.

went to town with sop and one of her friend tag along. today is definitely not a day for outing, i mean for sop. she was so bored all along or maybe when her friend was there. she wasnt flirting like she always does and not even in num when there are quite a few cute guys, maybe she needs a day break. but one thing for sure, she always has new guys everyday, and there come another J.

i got a SUPER cute boxer, it says "i will not kiss guys in class" , and i dont care im going to wear it as shorts. initially i was thinking whether thats a boxer or a shorts. is too big to be a boxer but too small to be a shorts. so i approach this cute guy for help.

so in the end i purchased a pair of slippers and the "boxer" though the boxer is seriously overpriced but who cares, its cute. thanks to zane's staff discount(:

a dream of a life

2008-01-17T00:18:00.000+08:00

as requested from the lovely shark, i need to blog an entry but this will definitely be a super long one.

let me start with my work. it was ultimate peaceful until one fine day when he burned my ass off with his mother hot fingers. THAT DAY SEEMED TO BEND ME INEXORABLY UPWARDS!!

OK IN SHORT I MET UTT AT TOPSHOP. yes no doubt, no kid, im fucking serious(:

though he didnt look as good as on tv, he is still OMFG! totally drop dead gorgeous. slam head no doubt.

i went totally crazy at the minute or even second or even the uncountable spilt second. jumping off the the ground like a jumping bean. this may sound ridiculous, but its really MY DREAM to ever meet him in real. i requested a photo taking session with him and he was so nice to say sure, he is simply a pleasure person. i apologized for unknown reason and he said," you dont have to say sorry?" he is just so friendly. and because of him i knew a new friend, veronica. she was the one that suggested and volunteered to take a photo for both of us, and she is just topstop random customer. how nice of her(: thanks so much, veronica

seee!!! open your eyes big and see!! he is not even hugging another girl. and yes he is hugging me!! BURNING!! HE JUST SIMPLY LOVES ME MORE. let me live in my fascination.

sop claims that he aussie boy is cuter. and this is a straight NO! my utt is cuter as he always does. she is just jealous xp
im going to print this photo and keep it in my wallet. dylan said that after months i will still be bouncing and happy continue to fascinate about UTT like how i did in coffee club. he went on with his craps and said maybe fifty years down the road i still can celebrated our anniversary for the first day when we meet. ok by then he will be 84?

sad thing is my bestie for five years is going to migrate to aust. thats so sad. once, i neglected her, i didnt cherish her, but now i regret so much. she is leaving on this sun. i will miss her presence, her tolerance for such a heartless friend which is me. seriously, i cant bare to let her go. when will we ever meet again? i have no idea. i think we should put in this way, arrange a meeting at orchard mrt station like five years later during Christmas? cool huh?!

we had been through alot. yes, even giving me the whole world time, American time, i still cant finish it. all i can say, i really love you, yes i do.

2008-01-01T21:29:00.000+08:00

im ashamed of myself for every foolish things that i could have stop myself from doing and this is with full of regrets. god didnt play with me but just allowing me to realise it myself and practically it has ripened. hopefully, this may not be too late to wake up from the fascinating wonderland. there are plently that i need to sacrifice and the mental game that i had to play that will push me through everything that is obstructing and distracting me. this is tedious but the gain is never within what i know and can expect from. this very bad habit of my has struck on me for years and everytime i tell myself i need to be determined, things tend to last for only a couple of weeks. this time round i hope it will be the very first time i will say i will not give up.
the very first thing i need to give up is basketball, it can never bring me far and bring me any good except for keeping slim. you have to see this but i know you cant see. basketball is the stepping stone to my dreams, but after it lends me its first stone, i have to dump it away like far. this is very mean but what can i do other than that. i have no idea.
seondly, now is just the right time to start and just when everything seems to be going to detach from me.
i cant take it because this society is going crazy and totally out of our thinking when everyone has the brainys and the looks. looks is no longer the key to everything. i need to work hard.
vontay, a As student, currently very screwed up with her environment. i know you have great future. get out of things that arent supposed to be with you.
we will work together ok. if not, i leave you alone there.

2007-12-31T01:20:00.000+08:00

its the last day of 2007. goodbye
i cant believe it, i have to mark a ending to it, to everything, including him.
and here comes my 18th year on the planet.

the ending of this year was pretty complicated. things cropped up with those shits that he had left behind. more things are coming up and i have no idea whether is it good or bad. this may be what i have been wishing for but its all bring destroyed with the shadow of his flashing in my nu.

i hoped this really would be a smooth year, esp my results. yea.. (god knows what i want) give it to me can?
mum,dad healthy as ever, at least i hope. wan si ru yi

i'll be at the airport today.

let bygones be bygones

2007-12-29T13:15:00.000+08:00

after the talk with daniel, guys arent as simple as i think. maybe i didnt think that ever in my life will i meet such guys.

im feeling alright after so many days of emo-ing. things have to be let go and moved on.

kkm- clear your mind first before moving on. i'll be there for you(:

im going shopping!!! and dress up nicely to hook up guys again!!
LEON IS MY FIRST TARGET whether he's attached or not(:

2007-12-27T01:30:00.000+08:00

today i saw leon together with his gf, ok great. they are back together again.
after such a long time, leon finally accepted me on friendster
his back view seriously resembles mingyi's one

today i caught a grimace on leon because of his back view, i thought it was my, together with another girl. "ok that was fast"-pondering through my head.
after viewing leon's friendster, i thought it was alright, or maybe deep down he is gorgeous. i cant get this straight but i think my is cuter for no reason. (for this sentence, alot of girls will feel like banging my head into a wall) btw, dont worry, there is nothing within me and for him.

thanks so much sop. you truly spoiled the song. i will never emo or sing the song again.

2007-12-26T00:26:00.000+08:00

im seriously making myself cheap even though its fun
at the same time, i m repeating history
just that im the player right now
but i did make it clear right from the start

im sorry to everyone, im being forced into it, this is what he had left for me

2007-12-24T00:09:00.000+08:00

to mark a new beginning, i'm going for a extreme makeover. no longer the innocent girl anymore. thats it, i had enough of cheatings. looks are deceiving. i m so gonna change everything within me.

im going to hurt myself. yes i want it so much. i want to hurt myself so much. bleed like crazy, who cares?

mother asssxxxxx.. this is me. i gonna flirt around, find flings, do all the stupid things. go crazy.
i cant take it anymore. throw on me, quick. i WANT TO BE A BITCH! SO WHAT?! WHO CARES?!
LABEL ME BITCH!

im sorry,hq. everything is done.

irreversible

2007-12-23T00:53:00.000+08:00

everything seems to be a liar
acting, cheating, Byzantine
a jilt? seriously its undeniable
you admitted for being a bipolar
rather i think its two-faced
its castle in the air
and
attempts of evasion

i kept myself like a fool's paradise

this is what i meant

Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing
Especially when I have to watch other people kissin'
And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's
All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses
I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood
I don't why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt
I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt

Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you feels the same way too
The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on,
Tell me
Is this the end?

hallucination

2007-12-22T01:20:00.000+08:00

he loves me or maybe i think he loves me.

the armor that shields the predictable dangers.
the unmovable stage with all his task and duties.
remains as a amour then.

hq-"then marry her then."
my-"what about you?"
hq-"im mentally prepared i think."

at least he knows im in the picture and still shows his care and concern

smokescreen

2007-12-20T01:40:00.000+08:00

a clear cut, please get it clear. although its heart breaking, take it or you will fall even more deeply

get it straight and clear, getting out and looking for some sort of fun. its hilarious. that might not be you, but you must learn, accept, adapt. this is how the whole society looks like. out for fun, seeking for joy, an accompany for a night and thats it, gone.
hold it, do not let out the deepest, they are afraid of such things. take it as nothing big. comes and goes like nobody's business
i've learnt the truth.
im not ready, i guess.

please do not be shocking, im being forced.

pirate's boat

2007-12-16T02:06:00.000+08:00

i just gotta say the boat is sailing smoothly. i shall stop telling people about it since the bird is willing to be locked up in the cage.

if you wanna know, read my blog. i guess i will update regularly about him as everyday is filled with him.
things are going speedy. but still under my control. i know i will not give him that thing until like long enough and wait til i have master it super well. and he will go "you're totally gorgeous"
we went to see if there is anyone making out at the esplanade's rooftop but there was no result. we set off to punggol jetty and i swear that place is romantic and peaceful unlike marina where there are super lot people? we lay there, watch stars, hugging each other. he is the truely sweetest, hottest i can ever get cause im made of poor quality. there is no way i can get any better? we were lucky for not being caught by my mum. i ignored her calls, i refused to pick up and she is worried. dont worry. he is nice. i believe he will be there to protect me.
i will tell my mum about him one day. she will be damn shock that i managed to get a VJ guy. cause she thinks that im bimbo and no nice guys will ever want me.

i must always keep in mind that i cannot demand too much from him like the previous one. the path will be shorten if i continue to do that.

a tiny sweet little peck leaves a memory of time

2007-12-12T23:40:00.000+08:00

the VJC guy is a nice and approachable guy. he is like the ideal boyfriend that i will want in the future.

went out with shan today!! and i saw a very pretty dress which cost a bomb! but it so suits christmas. i m going back tml with the VJC guy to get it.
at first i complain to him about the dress. and he said," christmas is coming, get you friend to buy for you" and i went, " since you are my friend, you get it for me lah". so tml we are going down to get it!!! and he is going to send me to work(: so sweet. and we are going to have our lunch together. there wil be lots and lots of programmes going on between us(:
so looking forward....

guardian angel's hola cum radiant

2007-12-11T23:11:00.002+08:00

i swear today is my lucky day. i can find like super pretty stuff in far east and i got myself a bag!! a genuine leather bag for only like 79.90 bucks!!

secondly, i saw the cute guy that i told him, "i think guys who wear braces are damn super cute" and he is wearing one. it was like so coincident!! i swear!! i just happen to walk pass this rather rock shop and saw a very familiar figure. and it turns out to be the VJC guy. i purposely walk into the shop and make myself obvious!! and he manage to catch a sight of me. and we went, "oh hi!!" the sad thing is he took out his braces): and his eyebrow piercing): and he is going to army soon, really soon, January): okay lastly i somehow like followed him and took all my courage to say DO YOU MIND LIIKE LEAVING YOUR CONTACT NUMBER!! and HE DID!!
and i shall briefly describe how he looks like, like how i describe leon, the gap guy. he is tall and super skinny, wear braces(ok, took out), resembles leon.

i think maybe not me and the VJC guy are like fated or else i will not like get to see him from out of no where. and get his number. unlike leon, i dont even get to see when i purposely go down to gap to visit him. and i guessss,, right now the whole gap shop knows that im interested in him. i can dont have to be a bitch and try to break the relationship between him and his gf.

stay put to VJC guy.

guardian angel'

2007-12-11T23:11:00.001+08:00

guardian angel'

2007-12-11T23:11:00.000+08:00

2007-12-10T00:30:00.000+08:00

that cute guy has a girlfriend, a super fat and short girlfriend):
he brought her to my store to SHOW OFF!!
FUCK UP

2007-12-09T11:32:00.000+08:00

although i kinda late for work, i still want to blog about this super cute guy. I DONT CARE

IT SEEMS that everywhere is filled with eyecandies.
alvin is the eyecandy of topshop and topman, mitch is the eyecandy of zara, leon is the eyecandy of the whole wisma atria. i shall not say where leon is working at or else you will see a queue thats as long as from tuas to changi. and all the girls will be stalking him like what i had been doing for the past few days. i swear he is aware of my affiliation for him. cause he always see me wandering around his place(:

yesterday i wanted to visit him and make him serve me in order for us to develop to the next stage. but the stupid topman has this 15% storewide sale and delay the whole thing. they make us stay until SEVEN!!! and i didnt manage to catch him!!! okfine, at least i went around in his place to dig out all his details and found out that he is not working today):

if he is going to find me nuisance, then he got to blame on himself for sitting next to me and allowing me to catch a grimace of him(:

lastly, i shall briefly describe his appearance. he super tall, broad shoulder, mid hair length, WEAR BRACES, OHMY GORGEOUS!!!

2007-11-29T22:51:00.000+08:00

there are plenty to blog out of a sudden, alot of emotions fetching in and out.
shuwen seems to be living well from what i see from her blog? thats good.
i miss her but i dont wish to see her. at the end of the day, she would break my fragile heart with all the empty promises.
sop is experiencing alot of rs stuff, she is fickle minded luh, i am so use to it.
at times, i am as well. these feelings come and go like you change your wardrobe clothes?
read her blog, your jaws will definitely drop, so be prepared to catch it while reading it. its as if she is writing about a yarn with fantastic and embellish words.
its draw your interest, your soul into it.
i strongly recommend you to read it, http://sthdelicate.livejournal.com/

desperate for your voice

2007-11-29T22:20:00.001+08:00

i start to miss mark, out of no sudden, or maybe i was listening to this song which reminds me of him. we havent been messaging for a few days and the last call was this early afternoon when i wanted to ask him out. we talked less than one minutes and i hanged the call. hope to see him this sat, i wish.

days after tomorrow

2007-11-29T21:05:00.000+08:00

i burn my fats today!!! but i think i put them on again after my dinner!! glad that i m not joining daniel and darren for supper or else i will be ( ' . ' ) this big.

sop told me that uncle justin was super hot on wed night!! i hate it totally!!! why i always dont get to share the good things!!its damn unfair!!

at the thought that i gotta work tomorrow, i feel bored again. there is nothing much to say today. just hope that i will get to meet the cute guy again.

i miss those days when we were in uniform. looking back, all of us look weird in it(: there are too many scandal stuffs between me and sop, who knows...?

i miss those days as well, and most importantly, my long hair

just like any other boring days

2007-11-26T00:25:00.000+08:00

it seems that my blog is there to collect dust, and its thick and filthy, just like those layers of dust that i can never stop collecting finish in topman. it seems as if the place is not tidied up for years, and all filled up with never ending cobwebs.

working is super tiring, time travels as slow as a snail, or maybe SLOWER!! its alright. as long as i get to see cute guys everyday, but apparently, there hasnt being any cute guys showing up these few days. SO OKAY!! COME ON CUTE GUYS. GET YOUR BUTTS OFF THE STICKY CHAIRS AND MAKE YOURSELF AVAILABLE IN TOPMAN, NOT TOPMAN WISMA(:

oh my!! today i saw a super cute guy in topman and i cant resist myself from serving him. but he left as fast as he came. thats such a pity. and the most angry thing is, darren volunteered to get his number for me but HE DIDNT!! he can only make empty promises luh. and he loves to call me les and so i call him gay(:

and i just realised that most of the people working in topman and topshop are CHI-NA! there are exception, but only a few? oh my god!! there is this girl working in topshop, pretty hot!! i like her, but shy. she has the confidence? the aura? and yea? and there is this pretty cute guy, alvin ngai, resemble roy tong!! totally alike. but too bad he is CHI-NA. yea so just kick his ass off then.

i want to go to mambo!!! but i need an ic!!! an 18 years old ic!! can some kind soul kindly lent me yours? please(: for the sake of my biggest smile, yes my smile, GIVE IT TO ME. ohhh no lent it to me. UNCLE JUSTIN WILL BE GOING!!! AND I WILL BE WEARING MY LEO-PARD DRESS IF EVER I CAN GET IN!! i m so gonna make sure that he HAD made the wrong decision by not flirting with me. blah!!

eventually, i had been flirting around these few days. i know eeeeyerrrrs!!! pui!!! but life will be coloured with all the flirty mighty moves(: so im so gonna continue with striking a sultry pose, blowing a loving kiss, casting a flirtatious wink. SO MARCUS WAIT FOR ME IN THE MEANTIME OKAY XP.
ok i need to keep it low profile, mark cannot know this. dark things lurk in murky water. i need to find murky water(: and i can find it in TOPMAN!!

for your extra info, thats roy tong and you will have a brief idea of how alvin ngai looks like.

things are going well(:

2007-11-13T23:30:00.002+08:00

OH MY!!! THIS IS THE MOST EMBARRASSING AND MOST HAPPENING EVENT OF THE YEAR, I SWEAR!!

never in my life will things flow so smoothly!! things kinda get out of my expectation!
first of all, certain things that are not supposed to be spilt out from my mouth actually flow out like Niagara waterfall. i wanted to shout "i miss darren" instead i shouted "i miss mar..", which is like ASSSSXXXX!!! what the hell went wrong? my brain and my mouth are not connecting, connection failed. maybe thats what munieria said about me, dyslexia (dyslexia, in psychology, a developmental disability in reading or spelling, generally becoming evident in early schooling. To a dyslexic, letters and words may appear reversed, e.g., d seen as b or was seen as saw. Many dyslexics never learn to read or write effectively, although they tend to show above average intelligence in other areas).

secondly, i knocked into mar's gate!! and i totally fall flat on the floor?! ASSSSXXXX!! what can i do with all these embarrassment? dig into a hole?

ok after that we went home together!!! YES!!! ALONE!!! YES!!! GREAT!!! LOVINGLY!! FANTASTIC!! TERRIFIC!! I dont feeeel like talking about it already!! shall go talk to bron.

things are going well(:

2007-11-13T23:30:00.001+08:00

2007-11-02T23:51:00.000+08:00

im breaking free, ok soon huh?

down with all the brain-cracking papers and left with one boring and dull social studies paper!!

after all the locking-ups, im like a bird that just regain its freedom. the air outside is so super fresh!! i was busying with all the shoppings, it was crazy!! i need to shop again SOON!! IM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO SS PAPER!!

LOVE IS IN THE AIR!

2007-10-27T11:15:00.000+08:00

I AM SERIOUSLY TOUCHED BY EVERY SMALL LITTLE THINGS and MOVES and PROMISES THAT YOU GUYS HAD DONE FOR ME! i swear it is the most memorable one out of the seventeen expriences. i havent been celebrating my birthday for the past few years. i guess not many people remember it. every year, my mum and my bro will bring me out to eat and thats all, no presents, no wishes. ok maybe merely a few red packets.
this year, my dad promises to get me a very special cake ( i wonder how special could it be, maybe a pandan cake, just kidding). even though he only promised me verbally, i m super grateful. upon hearing that he is going to get me a cake, i wept soundlessly. thanks dad(:

and yes!!! JULIANA ANG WEITING, the one that should be locked in the museum and being exploited by visitors, and TANIA, the one that should be locked in the nursery and being taken care by a nanny, had REPLIED!!! OK there are alot of nonsense between. whatever!! as long as i get my birthday wishes!!

2007-10-27T01:24:00.000+08:00

oh ya... add on, i m disappointed cause the stupid kwok kaman, lum xinmin, ng bao xian, tommy didnt wish me happy birthday. i m going to murder fairy i swear!!! cook him in my delicious fish pond and feed my brother's fishes(:

STAY PRETTY HUI QING!!!

2007-10-27T00:41:00.000+08:00

HELLO PEOPLE GUESS WHAT?
IT'S SOMEBODY'S BIRTHDAY!!! AND IT'S NONE OTHER THAN HUIQING!!!
OMG!!! I M SO HIGH!!! I WANNA TELL THE WHOLE WORLD

yea chill ok chill
i gotta say goodbye to my sweet sixteen and welcome my seventeeth year. there is no way im going to lay a red mat and invite her. cause she reminds me that i m old, REAL OLD): WHATEVER, I HAVE A YOUNG HEART I GUESS. and SOMEBODY said "FACE OLD MEANS OLD LA HOR" fine

a very grateful and big thanks to people who wished me happy birthday!!! i guess this year is the most significant one even though it crashes with my Os. there were A LOT PEOPLE WHO WISHES ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! QUITE A REAR SIGHT. and the first to wish me was from a very unexpected and heartless person. bong bong bong bong.... its SHU WEN!!! SHE WISHED ME IN ADVANCE XP
she is a cheater bug!!! hahah i was quite touched and i was really on the verge to torrents of tears.

AND FOLLOWED BY HER WAS CLEMENT!!! THE MOST PUNCTUAL ONE!!!
i would also like to thanks DARREN, JASLYN, bronson, SHARK, brandon, julian, glenn, HUI TIEN, anabel( she actually deleted my number and didnt rememeber my birthday), sophina, issac, teck quan, yun heng, jingwen and yea that's all i guess. actually it wasn't quite alot. and i REMEMBER SEEING AUDREY'S MESSAGE BUT WHEN I WENT TO REPLY OTHERS, I COULDN'T FIND HERS RIGHT NOW!!! there must be something wrong with the line!!! ASSSSSSXXXXX!! when i came online, bronson accused me by saying that i "dao" his message when i didn't even receive!!! there must be something wrong with THE LINE!!! I SWEAR!!!

ok actually out of those poeple who wishes me happy birthday, i think only 60 to 70 percent remember its my birthday): the rest i messaged them and reminded them. and of course the one and only person JULIANA ANG DIDNT BOTHER TO REPLY ME!!! ASSSSXXXXX. actually i wanted to remind uncle justin as well, but i think he will not give a damn so forget it. i can save my five cents!!! hahahah apart form him, i wanted to message mar as well; however i think it's too abrupt and he might think that i m insane especially after the jumping incident. so just in case i may spoil the gorgeous impression that i had left for him, i better not message HIM. HAHAHAHAA

after all the replies and typing, my fingers are weak and wobbly right now. im serious and no joke!! cant you see that my eyes are not blinking? see? i m not lying right(:

GOING BACK YO STUDY!!! GOOD LUCK TO MY ENGLISH PAPER!!! PASS WITH FLYING COLOURS!!!

one hour and eighteen mins of seventeenth life.

wishes at twelve
come true to truth

2007-09-30T12:44:00.000+08:00

i m feeling better
cause i know what happen already(: