friends come and go

Attending anabel's birthday made me realised about a lot of things, and of all the things, it was that deceiving cover of most human that turns on the agony. As much as how much it affects me, i still cant resolve it and to be truthful i have been enduring it for quite some time, ever since young. It is inevitable for one to carry motives, have his or her deepest thoughts, but i think i just learnt that what you have in your heart, soul, mind shape who you are. there is a saying " you are what you eat", and we all may have to agree "you act, what you think".

i should not point my finger at others cause neither am i perfect.

Honestly, i dont think i have been very appreciative as a friend, in fact, things had gotten worse during my jc times. i am grateful for those who are still willing to stand by me despite my awful, selfish behaviour. and i think i hurt priscilla the most during that period of time. hopefully, it would not be too late for my apologies and too late for her forgiveness. i am quite ashamed for what i had done and still not very comfortable to go into details.
recalling those days with blackie, and the basketball team was absolutely fun, but we all went separate ways. we have friends of our own, there are friends that you prefer to spend more time with, we need friends for our needs, hence, i may not be a friend that do not satisfy your needs.
Sophina plays a part in my teenage years, she was my role model, and i aimed to be like her cause i can never find anyone as unique as her. she is sociable, she is caring, she is serious, she is all that guys will want to date, girls will want to pitch into.
Friends surround her, and even though she is never seen alone, i would still like to be the friend that she would call upon when she needs entertainment. she is strong and has friend to lean on, and it will be fortunate that she will not belittle me as excessive.
it may be seem to her that i have moved with my other friends, i rejected her dates, she is still as important to me and will be one of the few that i will want to cry my heart out when troubles fall on me because not much people can be as understanding and sweet as her. our distant is not a reason that i should continue to neglect her, and so, i wish i can give her more love from now onwards. sorry if i do not know what are the reasons that cause the distant.
i have nothing to say about lum, we still spend time together. i really want to say that she has been stolen away, but i realised she is not my possession, and so, i cannot keep her with me. this is where faith will hold us together. *remember, i am still willing to walk the miles with you, only if you are willing to.
at this stage of my life, new friends emerge, but at the same time, these friends have other commitments. some celebrate with their old cliques during festive. after all, the long built friendship beats all. the other group celebrate with their new found love as it is about time for them to find the partner to spend their next half of their lives.
I used to make friends for the wrong reason. i wanted crazy, cool friends and knew people who were popular, but they are not those that will go through thick and thin with me. then i realised i did not belong to them, it would tiring for me to keep up with their lifestyles. i still feel most comfortable with friends who are sincerely nice, and lovable. apart from people who had walked out of my lives, qi xuan, vivienne, isabella, ... are people who i do not want to miss now, anymore.
from now onwards, i want to appreciate my friends and my family better, i need to spend more time and effort being with them, i will not want to judge anyone. this is my 2011's goal.

*this is dedicated to all my friends especially sherlin, lum, sophina, anabel, darren, brandon, jessie, priscilla, pinky, bel, vivienne, qistrange.

forgive me for things that i have done and said that irritate you. i am awkward, and feel weird in front of some people. i am not the wild, untamed person as much as how i look like, i want to be down-to-earth, and secretly am very introvert. i shall not act adversely anymore, i want to be myself. i will watch what i speak or even not speak when i feel uncomfortable cause i tend to say more irritable things.