chains of chemistry

okay i think i need to take back all my grumbles, all my words, all my actions. at times, or even every time, i am always afraid to speak up. i am afraid i am verbally too demanding. hence, i am always so scared to the extent that i refused to voice them out. however, i think the effect is vice versa. every time when i am too afraid to lose you, too afraid that i will voice out everything, my brain always order my limbs to do stupid things such as crying over the phone, screaming over the phone, starting a quarrel, grumbling in my blog, and every all of these were merely to seek your attention, just an additional attention of yours i think. this is childish and i had none of any idea that i was until you scolded me and woke me up. maybe i am not the rightful girl for you, but you ARE the rightful boy for me. perhaps the boy that is there to wake me up and stop me from all the childish moves and thinkings. every time when you shot me with the question, i wanted to tell you what exactly i want and the "want" gush out so much that i decided to act differently, act foohlishly by saying something to spike you instead. cause i know that you are willing to give in to me, and i just want to stand firm and say no, today means today, you get what i mean? now to think back, i am really stubborn and childish, like what you said.
lastly, you are so much so much so much that i want that i seriously dont want to lose you at all no matter how mean you are to me, no matter how much you dont want to meet me. cause i think in some way i will just get over it, definitely find a certain way to numb myself and not to see you in some way by doing all the tutorials, training hard, paying my ultra attention during lectures to keep you away in mind? (: i am still going to stand firm, and never find break up as a resolution unless i never love you anymore or again one day cause once the break is done, nothing can be reversed.

iamsorryfor being childish and demanding. l love you and thats for sure.
it is really hard on you to have a dumb girlfriend.

this song is dumb cause not everything can be you want it that way