jc life has kept me from everything, and i am disgusted by it, whether its the fact of being influenced or the influence. i lost my courage to express myself, cause i am afraid to be exposed. my ugly heart is hideous, my behaviour are explainable. this is very wrong, but i cant help myself from not doing it.
i am turning away from teen and being an adult is complicated. life shouldnt be what it is like now especially when all problems seem to be redundant. it does not get any better when i am digging into my problems. why cant i open up my heart and learn to appreciate who i am, accept who people are. its all about generosity, but the truth always fails upon me. where is the happy go lucky me, the "cant be bothered" attitude. perhaps i am too self conscious, and overtime, my self conscious overlaid my good and painted a ugly picture. i am ugly.
there is not much reasons for me to be happy, i see people who are younger than me doing so much better than me, leading lives they proposed, and i see no reason why gods never seems to make things work for me. will life be tougher in the future especially when god always turn his back at me. i believe in you, its a belief. belief is supposed to give you the mentality to move on, instead, i misplaced it on the route to where ever i am heading to.
i need to get back to my so called duties, i have to lay my hands away from drinks, lone away from parties, and even stop the only thing that make me feel good and proud, dressing up.
i feel inferior, because of my bangs, my character, my brain, my looks. superficial is the thing that i can excel?
---no photos--- fucking look so ugly every now and then
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