FUCK

MY MOOD HAS BEEN FUCKING BAD SINCE THIS MORNING! i didnt really realise that i have gained soooo much weight ever since that farewell party. i still could remember how i could easily slip my whole hand into my high waisted shorts back when i was 49 kg! and now? i could hardly even put two fingers in! WTF! i shouldnt have listen to people who have been encouraging me to eat more and complaining about how skinny i was when i was FUCKING FORTY-NINE! during that period, my appetite was so small to the extent that maybe 5 spoons of rice and 2 spoons of vegetable can make me feel full. and during that time, i did try to eat more but my weight cant help but still remain at 49! it was until when the new coach took over our team, and i started to gain again! his training was to the verge of pinning me on the ground any second, and there is no way a 5 spoons rice can last me throughout the training.

ok not to talk about the past cause there is no point and the fact that it is already HISTORY.
this morning i looked into the mirror and realised that my face was never this fat and round. i admit that i didnt watch my diet recently, especially after the farewell night which i have no idea why is it so. and those late night and insufficient hours of sleep have definitely cause certain level of water retention. i am super vulnerable to water retention, i always get them when i sleep very late at night despite the fact that i drank very little water the night before.
the reason i am here blogging when i am supposedly to be studying for those stupid, non-logical statistics is because i am super frustrated with my fat face. you may not know how i feel right now and you might think that i have been ridiculous for kicking a fuss over such a small issue. hey you! you will never understand what i am going through now when you do no have a fat face and a skinny body which is totally not proportionate. my face is forever gaining fats more rapidly than any other place.
right now i just dont feel like stepping out of my house because of this fucking fat face. i do not want to face anyone and receive comments like ehhh your face has become rounder. if i am going to receive any thing like this, i will simply say a thanks and point my middle finger behind your back, this is how serious it is!! and please do not be a hypocrite and say things like ohh you still look as skinny.
feel damn bad after being so rude to my mum, and even those things that i attempted to spoil them
ohh i forgot to mention this, this friday is my class photo taking. i totally dont feel like going and take photos of my pig face. i doubt i can remove those water in under my skin in time?